That other place wasn't our universe either. You died there right away. Whatever changed you here it can keep you changed. ( after a long pause. it's the only argument he can think of, at all. )
I was in our universe when I died. [Die, whichever.]
And that was still better connected than this universe is.
I'm sorry. I know you don't like it but it's something I have to do when I return home. I want to be with him forever, I need him like you need oxygen to survive. And I can't do that like this. I've had more time with him in this manner than I ever thought possible and I'm grateful for that but no one knows better than I that all things must end.
Just giving up? You think I haven't thought about this since the moment there wasn't a giant monster attacking the ship? That I haven't considered everything I could possibly think of to not hurt him when this body dies? Because I have and the only choice I have is to remain here in this universe if I want to keep this form.
A bit, yeah. But he can live without me. And he can live without me like this. It's likely that we won't even remember our time here, even if we are the ones sending ourselves home.
Yes, he will. It won't be the first time or the last. All I can do is be there no matter what he decides to do. I've no intention of persuading his decision one way or the other and I don't want you to either.
( there's a delay—a few minutes, maybe. not impossibly long, but long enough you might start to wonder if a reply is forthcoming. )
Amy was our room's choice to die
( it might seem random, but he's thinking of their past conversation. sacrificing. allowing or not allowing it. what if it was her, and not you, throwing your life away? )
Selflessness sounds brilliant but it's not. Giving up without a fight? You have to fight.
[There's a bit of a pause on her end as well. If they hadn't fought Amy would not have been the only one of their group to die that day. But that's not what this is about. It's about a conversation they had.]
I see. So you think I should fight.
But this is different, Rory. This is not one of the many times the three of you have saved the day.
This is the Time War. This is the Doctor losing people he's never going to see again, who are going to be dead to him because he gave them the means to return home. Fighting him, it'll make him blame himself more than he should and I could never make him shoulder that. I never blamed him for destroying not just his own people but my sisters as well and I certainly won't blame him for this. He has to be the one to make this decision for himself and like then - I will help him run if that's what he wants.
( what can he even say to that? not argue, not without being a bigger arse than he is. but he feels it, bone deep, an absolute conviction. when it comes to love, you don't give up. forget selflessness—he's selfish, through and through. selflessly guarding amy for years? don't be daft, he was scared he'd have to live without her if he didn't.
he can't argue with her logic, because he knows it's right—but she can't change his mind, that you fight for these things, that you don't give up, forget the rest of the universe. )
[That's the funny thing. Where does one draw the line when it comes to being selfish and selfless?]
It is. And I'm not being selfless. Quite the opposite. This is me. Being selfish. I won't have him break, I need him alive and well because I can't live without him. I will do anything to protect him from what's about to happen.
( there's a brief pause, because he doesn't… really want to address it, his feelings on the matter, of losing her even if only sort of. because she's part of the team. and it's unfair. )
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And that was still better connected than this universe is.
I'm sorry. I know you don't like it but it's something I have to do when I return home. I want to be with him forever, I need him like you need oxygen to survive. And I can't do that like this. I've had more time with him in this manner than I ever thought possible and I'm grateful for that but no one knows better than I that all things must end.
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Theres got to be a way for both, this place isnt our universe. Even close
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You can't win every battle.
This is one of the one that must be lost.
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You think I haven't thought about this since the moment there wasn't a giant monster attacking the ship?
That I haven't considered everything I could possibly think of to not hurt him when this body dies?
Because I have and the only choice I have is to remain here in this universe if I want to keep this form.
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There has to be something more than thinking
How can you just accept it
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I will not stay here without him just so I can keep this body.
That's not how it works.
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But he can live without me.
And he can live without me like this.
It's likely that we won't even remember our time here, even if we are the ones sending ourselves home.
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Not even close to a bit
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It's not as if I'm completely leaving him.
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It won't be the first time or the last.
All I can do is be there no matter what he decides to do.
I've no intention of persuading his decision one way or the other and I don't want you to either.
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Because that is how much he means to me.
[That she is willing to lay down this human life of hers to do what he wants without kicking up so much as a little fuss.]
This is going to be hard enough on him as it is without me adding to it.
I refuse to put anymore guilt on his shoulders then he'll already have.
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Amy was our room's choice to die
( it might seem random, but he's thinking of their past conversation. sacrificing. allowing or not allowing it. what if it was her, and not you, throwing your life away? )
Selflessness sounds brilliant but it's not. Giving up without a fight? You have to fight.
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I see. So you think I should fight.
But this is different, Rory. This is not one of the many times the three of you have saved the day.
This is the Time War. This is the Doctor losing people he's never going to see again, who are going to be dead to him because he gave them the means to return home. Fighting him, it'll make him blame himself more than he should and I could never make him shoulder that. I never blamed him for destroying not just his own people but my sisters as well and I certainly won't blame him for this. He has to be the one to make this decision for himself and like then - I will help him run if that's what he wants.
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he can't argue with her logic, because he knows it's right—but she can't change his mind, that you fight for these things, that you don't give up, forget the rest of the universe. )
It shouldnt have to be like this
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It is.
And I'm not being selfless. Quite the opposite.
This is me. Being selfish.
I won't have him break, I need him alive and well because I can't live without him. I will do anything to protect him from what's about to happen.
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( there's a brief pause, because he doesn't… really want to address it, his feelings on the matter, of losing her even if only sort of. because she's part of the team. and it's unfair. )
We'll take care of him. Best we can
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[But life isn't fair. People die and it's not fair.]
I know you will. I've always trusted and depended on you lot to take care of him in all the ways I can't.
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( his acceptance only goes so far. this is still stupid and he hates it. )
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